When Angels Fall From Grace
by Pretty Green Eyes
Summary: Several years after Squall found happiness, he learned the meaning of heartache and betrayal, and now when an opportunity presents itself for closure, will Squall take it, or will he consider the devastating concequences?
1. Hell Hath no Fury like a Witches Scorn

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Final Fantasy VIII nor the poem 'He wishes for the clothes of Heaven.'

_Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,  
Enwrought with golden and silver light,  
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths  
Of night and light and the half-light,_

_I would spread the cloths under your feet:  
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;  
I have spread my dreams under your feet;  
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams._

William Butler Yeats

Chapter one - Hell Hath no Fury like a Witches Scorn

For Hyne knows how many years, I trusted nothing. Nothing was certain so what was the point of trust? I locked myself away in a shell, albeit a weak one, but for a while nobody broke in. People tried to but failed, Quistis did. She was prepared to give herself to me, to be there for me, for her to be my rock so to speak, she put her heart on the line. I spurned her, only to protect myself, and her. She may have thought of me as a bastard for it, but I wasn't the one who gambled my emotions, I learned long ago that you never win so don't put yourself out there and you won't get hurt. She put her emotions on the line, and she got hurt. I felt sorry for her, that was my weakness, I still felt for people and I hated myself for it. Why should we feel for each other? I guess that's why being a SeeD suited me, from a young age we had the humanity drilled out of us so we could kill efficiently.

It's sick.

Humans are the only species who kill for means other than survival. Some do it for emotional reasons, hurt, anger, jealousy, whatever.

SeeD's do it for money, I do it for money. What a bastard I am, I don't care. I really don't care anymore. What's the point in living? Then again what's the point in taking our own lives, I just do what I'm good at and I am damn good at it.

We think as humans that we're above everything else with our morals. The truth is we're scum. We disregard our morals and then have the nerve and arrogance to claim we are moral and ethical.

Animals kill for survival. We kill for far less. We hurt each other intentionally, physical pain can go away but emotional pain doesn't. Even when you're trying to block it out, it's there lingering on your shoulder, taunting you malevolently.

My shell eventually did crack. It was cracked by a beautiful, spiteful creature. I fell for her innocent smile, her flawless ivory skin, her tempestuous eyes, everything, and I fell hard. I gave in and gave her my heart, much like Quistis had done. For a brief time I was happy, I was foolish enough to think that there was something more to life than just living through it for no apparent reason. She took me to a place I had never been before, an illusion of bliss and happiness, she brought me further and further down into a pit of alluring roses, roses with sharp, painful thorns. Then she left me there, the illusion faded and I was left with what it really was.

Nothing.

She grew bored of me, and discarded me like our relationship was nothing. I opened up to her, revealed my darkest secrets, my hidden desires, my dreams. I do not have the cloths of heaven, if I did I would've spread them beneath her feet, but I didn't. All I had were my dreams, and like a fool I spread them beneath her feet for her to tread softly on. She spat on them, she trampled on them, and she destroyed them along with me. All I had were my dreams and her, she left and stole my dreams and left me with nothing. My so called friends took her side, claiming I drove her away and suffocated her. They had not seen her, the real her. They had only seen the delusion I had initially seen. I loved her, I still do. Pathetic isn't it? She melted my heart and then cruelly tore it to pieces, yet I still love her. She cast a spell on me, a curse. I can never love again, because I love her.

I hate myself for my weakness.

The only one who didn't turn on me was Quistis, she offered me a shoulder to cry on. I wanted to trust her, but I couldn't. That bitch made sure of it when she left me. Again I hurt Quistis, I rejected her support. I can't decipher between fantasy and reality any more. All I saw when Quistis tried to offer me support, was that witch forcing me to open up, to surrender the only defences I had, I did so willingly because I trusted her and she knew it. How could I trust Quistis, no matter how genuine she seemed, the witch seemed genuine as well, how did I know Quistis wasn't just like her?

I am nothing, I never realised that until she left me. I will never let that happen to me again, ever. Even if it means I will remain miserable until the day I die, I won't let myself be subjected to the worst pain of all.

A broken heart.

I was unhappy before I met her, but she gave me so much happiness and I paid the ultimate price for it. If that's the price of happiness then I won't pay it again.

I will survive, I will come out. I won't be intact, but god damn it I will move on whether I like it or not. What other option is there?

Cid Kramer, headmaster of Balmb Garden came out of his meeting feeling deeply disturbed. He had sold the services of Garden for similar missions, but this particular case was a different case altogether. This was a deeply personal matter for him. He liked Rinoa, but he had seen how Squall was after she left. Many accused Squall of destroying the relationship and trapping Rinoa, but none of them had ever loved a sorceress. Edea was no longer a sorceress, but when she was she gave the illusion of being a kind mother-like figure, and her children trusted her, but what they didn't see was what she was like when they were all asleep.

Cid often felt helpless and afraid around her, when he first met her it wasn't so bad. She had been a sorceress since she was five, and the sorceress who she had received her powers from had been a genuinely nice person, she had her moments but it was nothing serious. It was when Edea received her powers from the future sorceress that things started to change.

She became malicious and spiteful towards Cid. She used and abused him with her snide comments and her humiliating control of him. Eventually Cid couldn't take it anymore, he confronted her about it, she lashed out at him with both her powerful magic and her powerful emotional torment. She left Cid a broken man, and for years he tried to pick up the pieces. He aged badly after that, and for seven years he never saw her. Then out of nowhere, she emerged like a serpent who wanted blood, but this time was different. She had now dragged Seifer into her pit of hatred and torment, and there he was, a helpless child trying to do what his mother pleased. She exploited him, and left him broken, much like she had done to Cid.

Cid never thought she was capable of that type of cruelty, he thought she would never hurt her children. It was partially Ultimecia's doing, but Edea had willingly let herself be subjected to that. Her powers corrupted her, almost beyond redemption. Seifer never fully forgave Edea for what she did to him, neither did Cid, everybody else did, because they hadn't experienced the full extent of her spite. They thought it was Ultimecia's doing, not for one second did they suspect that their kind mother was capable of that on her own. She was.

That was the reason Seifer never came back to Garden, he couldn't forgive Edea and the others didn't understand it, so he left, to try and find his own redemption. He accepted that he had let himself succumb to what he became, that was something Edea never did. Seifer admitted his mistakes, even tried to apologize to them, and because of that nobody wanted to forgive him, but they forgave Edea. Cid still had the letter Seifer had sent shortly after the whole affair, Seifer opened up a part of him that he had kept locked for years, he knew what he had done and all he wanted was to be able to try and redeem himself. The others disregarded the letter without a second thought, except for one, but even she took a long time to come around.

Edea had expressed her worry about Rinoa, she knew what those powers could do to a person, and she saw it happening to Rinoa when nobody else did. She tried to talk to the young sorceress, but with no success. Long before Rinoa left, Edea left Cid, and took her own life. She never could come to terms with what she had done, Cid didn't tell the others it was suicide. She had taken poison, so Cid told them it was natural causes. As much as he resented her for what she had done, he didn't want the others to resent her, he wanted to protect them.

Cid was fully prepared to go through with the assassination of his wife seven years ago on the parade float, but when the mission failed he couldn't handle all his emotions toward his wife, he both loved her more than anybody else and hated her more than he thought he could hate anybody. He ran away, scared to face his emotions head on, and in the end Edea paid the price.

Now he was faced with a similar prospect, this time he wasn't going to run away, he was going to be a decisive leader like he was when he founded Garden, not a frail, frightened man like he had been reduced to by Edea. It wasn't himself that he was worried about, it was Squall. He knew what this decision would do to him, and that wasn't the worst part.

Squall had been specifically requested.


	2. Meeting With the Devil Man

Authors Notes: Thanks for the reviews! By the way, in the last chapter I divided Squall's bit with Cid's but the asterisks didn't show up, I was able to do this on previous stories, does anybody know why this is happening?!

_Friends Show their Loyalty in times of trouble, not happiness._

_-William Arrowsmith_

ChapterTwo - Meeting with the Devil Man

Quistis sat on the pier in Balmb, she had changed quite a bit since her adventures seven years previously. Her hair was no longer tied up, rather let down in a layered haircut with a side fringe. It was no longer perfectly straight, it was rather wavy. She no longer opted to be a blond, now her hair was a light shade of brunette with some blonde highlights. She wore a pair of brown, round toe boots that went up to just bellow her knee, a dark denim skirt that was a few inches above her leg, a white t-shirt with a dark denim blazer jacket.

He was coming tonight. It had been a while since they had one of their chats. There weren't many people Quistis could talk to anymore. Rinoa had vanished, and Squall had reverted back to his old self. Edea was dead, Quistis was told she died of natural causes, the others seemed to accept this, but Quistis was suspicious. Cid had become distant in the past few years, Quistis wondered if it was guilt, for what she didn't know. She often conjugated if this was in any way linked to the suspicious way Edea died. He was not nearly as distant as Squall, but he was no longer a father figure for all of them, he was a military leader. Xu had been transferred to Trabia, and Dr. Kadawoki had retired to Winhill. As for the rest of them, Zell left Garden three years ago, he now ran a martial arts class, Irvine moved back to Galbadia and Selphie was in Trabia, none of them talked to Quistis anymore. Ever since Rinoa broke it off with Squall, Quistis tried to be there for Squall but he had lost his ability to trust, the rest of them sided with Rinoa thinking of her as the victim, however Quistis knew differently.

Quistis was a blue mage, and possessed a reasonable amount of power as a result. She knew how much power corrupted. She wasn't nearly as powerful as Rinoa, not at all, so it was easier for her. However Quistis needed to talk somebody now, there were only three people who would talk to her now. All of them knew what it was like to be crushed by immense power.

In the distance Quistis saw the familiar posse on their boat. They were coming from FH, Quistis had called them after Cid told her some unsettling news, and she hoped that maybe they could help her out.

Rajin was the first of the boat, Fujin jumped out afterwards, and then Seifer. Rajin and Fujin hadn't changed much, Fujin's had now opted for a crew cut, but that was it. It was Seifer who had changed the most over the past seven years. He discarded his grey coat and his hair was longer it was just long enough to tie into a small ponytail with the front strands lazily hanging around his face, and he sported a very short stubbly beard. He no longer kept his gunblade by his side, it was kept safe in his boat for emergencies only.

"So what did you drag us out of the pub for now?" He asked with a smirk, he was still arrogant, sarcastic and rude, but he had grown up a lot since the Ultimecia affair. He had toned down and it was actually possible to have a civilized conversation with him. Quistis didn't know why she still talked to him, well she did. There was nobody else to talk to.

"I'll buy you one if you want it that much," Quistis responded while rolling her eyes.

"If it's for me, they won't serve it, you know that. They may have calmed down a bit in FH, but everybody in Balmb still wants to rip my head off and play football with it. Or is it that they want to burn me at the steak? I always get confused between Balmb and Timber." Seifer said half jokingly, and half seriously, he did have a point.

"Aw, c'mon I'm thirsty ya know. We've been working all day, I need a pint ya know!" Rajin moaned,

"SILENCE!" Fujin snapped and slapped him hard on the arm. Quistis had to laugh,

"Well you obviously aren't calling us for drinks, so what's up?" Seifer asked,

"Well, a lot." Quistis said with a sigh, "It'll take a while, and it would be better if we could do this in a more private location." Quistis said going into SeeD mode,

"Well there's always the tugboat, it stinks of fish, so it'll be just like Balmb's pub anyway!" Seifer said motioning to the rather dilapidated boat, it would have to do.

The posse climbed back in along with Quistis. She had a quick look around to make sure nobody was around to see her. She was about to give classified mission information to three failed SeeD's turned fishermen, when she thought of it like that she questioned herself on talking to Seifer. Then again, she often questioned her motives for almost everything she did, including trying to get Squall to open up.

"Well? What's so important that you had to drag us all the way out here?" Seifer asked impatiently,

"Cid had a meeting today…" Quistis began,

"No, I'm not going back to Garden," Seifer snapped,

"Neither am I, ya know!"

"ME ASWELL!"

"…With General Caraway," Quistis continued, ignoring the interruptions. "He wants to hire Squall and myself for a mission."

"Terrible," Seifer said derisively, "It's just the worst thing I've ever heard. You and the hermit you seem to like for Hyne knows what reason, have to go on a mission together," Seifer enjoyed tormenting Quistis about her obvious attraction to Squall, which she continually denied, Seifer didn't understand the woman. Squall effectively spat on her heart and she still pined after him. Maybe it was just women in general he didn't understand, he had given up trying to understand them a long time ago.

"Would you just shut up for five minutes!" Quistis retorted angrily, "It's an assassination mission." She said looking at Seifer,

"Thanks for the heads up," Seifer said suddenly looking worried and reaching for his gunblade,

"Not you!" Quistis retorted, "Rinoa."

For the first time that day, Seifer had no sarcastic comment. Rajin muttered something inaudible and Fujin was looking at the ground.

"I knew that Rinoa and her father didn't get along, but this? I didn't see that one coming, and of all people, why you and Squall?" Seifer asked in a serious tone, "He's a military man, he should know that emotional kills are always the messiest, if he wanted a clean kill he should hire somebody neutral. Hiring you and Squall is just bad tactics."

"I know, Cid thought so too but when he suggested somebody else Caraway didn't want to hear it. He said something about Rinoa having a lot of friends here and in Trabia and Galbadia, and he knows that Rinoa broke Squalls heart, but why he'd hire me I don't know! I mean, I don't like Rinoa but I don't hate her to that extent."

"Do you not?" Seifer asked giving her a hard stare,

"He has a point ya know," Rajin added,

"Look, whatever my feelings are about her, I still think that killing her is a drastic measure. It's Squall I'm worried about," Quistis said softly,

"Why, what hat does he think about it?" Seifer asked,

"That's the thing, he doesn't know anything about this yet. I'm supposed to tell him tonight," Quistis sighed,

"You?! Get Cid to do it, he's the goddamn headmaster!" Seifer snapped,

"Given the circumstances, Cid felt it would be better if I told him." Quistis said quietly,

"BULLSHIT!" Fujin barked,

"He's afraid to tell him ya know,"

"So he's getting you to do his dirty work," Seifer said darkly,

Quistis sat in silence for a moment. She was a SeeD, trained to operate and do her job without emotion, and up to now that was going alright for her, now she had this mission thrown in her face. She was angry at Cid for even considering the mission for her or Squall. "I don't know what to do," She said silently, "I really don't." Seifer lit up a cigarette, he couldn't stand the tension in the room at that moment, "You really shouldn't do that." Quistis said in an instructor like manner,

"Helps me think," Seifer said indifferently, "Look, you and Rinoa are past acquaintances right? And Squall and Rinoa were romantically involved, this results in a conflict of interest, tell Cid no." Seifer said,

"You know for a second there you sounded like a SeeD." Quistis said frankly, but she was met with hostility,

"Don't flatter yourself, I got sick of their bullshit." Seifer spat,

"That's not how I remember it." Quistis said sternly,

"Look we're not here to talk about me and SeeD, we're here to talk about you and Squall slapping Rinoa six feet under."

"So eloquently put Seifer." Quistis said mordantly, "Look, this isn't leaving this boat alright? I'm a trained SeeD and I know how to hurt a person, a lot." Quistis said giving a cold stare to Seifer,

"What me? Do you not trust me? Why Quistis, I find your lack of faith in me disturbing," Seifer said with a sneer,

"Seifer!" Quistis was in no mood for messing around,

"HE WON'T!" Fujin said also giving Seifer a glare, "RAJIN!" She gave a look to Rajin,

"What! When have I not kept a secret?!" He protested. The look in Fujin's face said a lot, she knew perfectly well how big his mouth was,

"Try anything…" She chocked, struggling with her words "And…I will…HURT!" Rajin got the message.

"Well, I better go deliver the good news to Squall," Quistis said reluctantly,

"Rather you than me," Seifer mumbled.

"GOOD LUCK!"

"Yeah, you're gonna need it ya know…"

"Thanks," Quistis murmured. She knew there was no way of just coming out and saying it to Squall, she would just give him the mission brief and hope for the best. This was going to be hard for him, and her.


End file.
